Today has been a really fun day overall. Things started out slowly; we had the construction crew over again this morning. I spent the morning at home with my mom and we went through a ton of junk in the basement to throw out and give to good will. Later, I had to go for the dreaded weight check before my therapy session. Good news: I have made progress in the past week. Bad news: I gained 4 pounds. This hit me like a ton of bricks. My meal plan is supposed to be designed so that I only gain 1-2 pounds per week, so when I saw the number on the scale was up 4 pounds from last week, I had a mini panic attack. Thank god my mom was there to talk me through things and that I was going to see my therapist right after, or I don’t think I would have been able to keep my sanity through it all. I just have to tell myself that a lot of it is probably water weight or muscle building and that things can always get tweaked with my meal plan to keep me on the track that I’m supposed to be on.
Therapy was pretty intense today. It was another session with my parents, this was the second one that we’ve all done together with my therapist here at home. We talked about my weight gain and tried to explain to my dad just how terrifying weight gain is for me. We addressed my problems with feeling guilty for having wants and needs. My therapist talked to me about how I am so terrified of not being able to show control over myself and what I eat and how it’s not in my nature to do anything without control or to excess like I fear that I will. My homework assignment from her was to come up with a list of how I want my dad to see me in his eyes and he has to do that same for me.
After therapy and lunch, my best friend and I went out to the mall and played with the CUTEST puppy there. It’s a Boggle (Beagle and Boston Terrier mix). It’s safe to say that I am in love with that little fluff ball. He was so down-to-earth and cuddly. After saying goodbye to the puppy, I got myself a reward for replenishing my weight-a nice floppy sun hat at American Eagle. It was a little awkward being in there, though, because I had an interview for a job there a couple weeks ago and the man who interviewed me was working. The interview went well, I thought, but I never ended up getting a call back which was really irritating. I mean, in my opinion, if I take the time to fill out my application and come in for an interview the least you can do for me is take 2 minutes to call me back and say they don’t have any openings available for me. But, that’s in the past and there’s no use dwelling on it when I can spend my time looking for another place to work.
Overall, it’s been a great day for me. The best way to make it through this struggle is to just take things one day at a time and to hope for a better day tomorrow if things haven’t been going very well. Check back tomorrow for an update… who knows, I may end up getting that puppy from the mall! 🙂