So it’s my third day of vacation here at bald head island in north Carolina. Things are going pretty well. I am getting kind of stressed out at meals because holly doesn’t seem to be finishing her meals which makes me think that I am eating way too much. Oh well, I just have to get over it and start focusing on myself. I know that if I truly want to live in new York and go to school there for the spring semester, finishing my meals is what I need to do regardless of what everyone else is doing. It’s also kind of hard because I am
No longer the thinnest person. Holly’s sister Martha is much tinier than I am, which is strange. It’ sucks to no longer be the skinniest person in the room. I hate that I am always comparing myself to everyone around me, I wish that I could just be comfortable in my own skin and trust that I look good regardless of what others look like around me.
Last night I cooked dinner for everyone which was really fun. I made stuffed peppers with turkey, quinoa and tomato sauce and they turned out really well, even though I made way too much stuffing.
As I’m here on vacation, My mom is trying to plan a vacation for her and I when I get back. It’s much easier said than done, though. We were thinking about going to the cayman islands, but that is turning out to be much more expensive than we anticipated, so I think we are going to end up going to Florida like we did last summer. It’s also hard because my mom isn’t as up on things as I am and it’s much easier for me to browse quickly online and pick out a place for vacation than it is for her. I know that she’ll pick a good place, though. As long as I have a nice beach, I’ll be happy.
Right now I am waiting for golly to wake up so we can go to the beach. I am feeling really guilty over all that I am eating while I’m here on vacation. I find myself snacking much more than I normally do and I am worried that I will not be able to get back to a normal eating amount when I get home. Although I have never gone on a huge binge before, this is one of my biggest fears. I know it’s probably irrational to fear that I will overeat when I get home, but I can’t help it. I hate that even though I’m on vacation I still can’t find the ability to sit back and relax, clearing my mind of the eating disorder shouting in my thoughts. Well then again, it’s not very realistic to just expect those thoughts to vanish because I’m on vacation.
On another note, the shops here on bald head island are so cute. I am worried that I will end up spending all my money here, but isn’t that what money’s for anyway? After all, I am on vacation, I should be able to spend a few dollars on stuff that I really love!
So let me tell you how much I hate sunburn. I never fail to get burnt on my first day of vacation, and this trip was no exception. I guess it wasn’t the best idea to use SPF 4 tanning oil on my first day at the beach. I made sure to use SPF 30 the following day but I still got burnt. I guess that’s what I get for not listening to my therapist when she told me that the medications I’m on make me more prone to sunburn.
Well, that’s all I have to say for now, ill try to update on how my vacation goes later!