Anxoiusly Awaiting Vacation

So far it’s been a pretty boring day. But, it’s only around noon so I still have time for things to turn around. On sunday I leave for Ft Lauderdale with my mom and I can hardly wait. I still have so much to do to get prepared. I have tons of laundry to clean and I haven’t even begun packing yet. I should probably get on that soon, though.

In follow up to my previous post about the guy who works at the grocery store, I went back on thursday to give him my number but I got there too late and he’d already left for the day  :(. I was hoping I’d see him today but no such luck again. I’m starting to get discouraged and I am thinking things just weren’t meant to be but I hope that’s not that case. I still have time, though. I will most likely be going to the grocery store again tomorrow and I can only hope and pray that he’ll be there.

Yesterday I hung out with my friend Michelle who I haven’t seen in such a long time. We went to a studio where you paint your own pottery called I Made This. It was really nice to get to see her again and catch up on all that’s happened since we saw each other last. She mentioned seeing my blog and it was really great to have another friend who is super supportive of my recovery. It was nice to hear that she was proud of me for keeping this blog and being so open about my life and the struggles I’ve been through. She is the exact type of person who just reinforces the notion that I have really great friends who are going to be there for me whenever I need them and that not all people are out to get me.

I met with my dietitian yesterday and she really helped to quell my fears and reservations that I’ve been having about reaching my ideal body weight. To me, being 115 pounds seems so far away and so heavy. She showed me that at that weight, I am at the very low end of a healthy body weight and BMI. It really helps to hear that because you can’t really argue with medically proven facts too well. That night, I went over the list of things that my mom wants to see from me before she will think that I’m ready for New York and it was nice to see that I am accomplishing most of them. The things I need to work on a little more, though, are thoughts that I am fat, that my ideal body weight is too high, that I need to be the thinnest person in the room, and that I need to eat only diet/low fat options when they are available.

I was really proud of myself yesterday. I had the strongest urge to go exercise and I didn’t act on it. I was snacking like crazy (3 twizzlers, animal crackers, an english muffin, and pudding) and I felt disgusting. It kind of scared me that I was snacking so much and not feeling full, but I knew that sometimes it’s normal to have a voracious appetite when you’ve been starving yourself for so long. It’s good to know that when I get these urges, they eventually will pass with some time. If I think about it, it’s probably the same way for eating, too. If I get really hungry, I should just wait a bit and the feeling will pass after I have a normally portioned snack rather than bingeing on everything in sight.

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