So Happy

Well today is kind of up and down so far. I woke up and was so happy to finally-FINALLY-not feel ravenous. If you haven’t been reading my posts I have been struggling with feeling hungry all the time. I talked to my mom, therapist and dietitian about this and they all think that it’s probably from the medication, Zyprexa, that I am on because I was put on the medicine to help get my hunger cues back. My therapist said she would talk to my psychiatrist about it and if he wanted to make any changes that he would call me. I hadn’t heard anything from him and I was talking to my mom about this. She suggested that I just stop taking the medicine and see how that goes. After all, I am only taking about 5mg per dosage, so it’s not like if they wanted to ease me off of it that there’s much to take away. I stopped taking the medicine about 2 or 3 nights ago and my hunger has gotten MUCH, MUCH better. I am so happy. It’s really reassuring to know that I won’t go through the rest of my life feeling perpetually empty and unsatisfied. In addition to not feeling hungry all the time, I have been feeling full for the first time in a while. Like I said, that’s such a wonderful feeling to know that I am actually normal and my body is functioning like it should be. It’s also nice to take off one medicine from the long list of pills that I have to take every day.

Today is my first day of classes at Hood for my Sophomore year. Because of convocation this morning, classes start at 1:00. Instead of having 3 classes today, I’ll just have my mass media and society class at 2:00. Afterwards I’m meeting up with my friends Amanda and Colleen. I am really excited to meet new people and make some new friends. I am thinking about having a bonfire sometime before the weather starts getting cooler so hopefully I will meet some new good friends to invite to that. I’m excited to get back into a normal schedule of things, too. It will be nice to have stuff to do throughout the day. I’ve been incredibly bored out of my mind with nothing to do and I think that adds to the hunger I’ve been having. When I’m bored I tend to just eat because there’s nothing else to do. Lately, though, I have been trying to find other things to do. I really enjoy keeping this blog, it’s really therapeutic for me and helps me to get my feelings and emotions out and to distract me from whatever negative emotions I’m having. Also, getting the comments and positive feedback from the people who read it are really great too. I have a lot of trouble with recognizing and celebrating my successes so it’s nice to have people point them out to me and to offer support for the struggles that I go through day to day.

Tonight I am making a new recipe for dinner. I’m making a grilled pork tenderloin with a mustard-dill sauce. I will make sure to write how it goes on my next update. If the recipe is any good, I will post a link to the recipe!

My hunt for a treatment team in New York City is going really well. I have emailed a few dietitians and have heard back from them all. The one that I last heard from, Marissa Lippert (who wrote her own book!), seems really great. She gave me so much information and seemed as friendly as someone can over an email. I forgot to initially ask her if she has experience working with eating disorders and my mom is concerned that she doesn’t have experience in that area so I’m waiting to hear back from her about that and if she accepts our insurance policy. I hope that by the end of the month I can have most of my treatment team picked out so I can continue to show my parents that I truly am as ready for New York as I know that I am.

Well that’s all for now, it’s time to start getting ready for classes!!

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