So today, Wednesday, is the third day of classes. Things are going really well and all the people in my classes seem to be really nice. I’m taking French 101, History of the US up until 1860-something, Mass Media and Society, Newswriting, and Psychology of Women. My french class has the best looking assistant you could possibly imagine. Because I took French for 3 years in High School, my teacher wants me to move up to the next level. I would do this, but I have another class at that time so I’m trying to meet with my advisor to try and juggle my classes. For my Mass Media and Society class, my first assignment was to track my media usage for one day. It was pretty disturbing to see how much media that I use in one day. For the next part of the assignment, I have to go a day with using the media as little as possible. I originally thought that it would be really difficult, but thinking again, I think I’ll be able to do it considering that I was at Remuda for a month and a half with no cell phone, no internet, no TV, no music of my choice, and limited movies. It will be hard, though, to not have music to listen to while I’m in the car and a book to read before I go to bed. I am glad, though, looking at my syllabus for each class and seeing that I don’t have any major essays to write. The longest one I have to write is around 4 or 5 pages I think. My psychology of women class seems really interesting. Plus, my teacher looks exactly like Michelle Obama and she is really funny. The one class that I am sort of dreading is my History class. The teacher is ANCIENT; she probably lived through everything we’re going to learn about. She just drones on and on and has no recognizable direction that she goes in when she’s speaking. Plus, “um” seems to be every other word out of her mouth. A girl sitting in front of me took tallies for how many times she said it in class- 100 times in a 10 minute period. That is just crazy. I mean, she’s a grown woman, probably in her 70’s, and she hasn’t figured out the correct way to speak. She was just going over the freaking syllabus so it’s not like she shouldn’t have had some rough idea of what she wanted to say also. It was nice, though, because I ran into both of the people from my summer art class that I really enjoy spending time with. One of them is in my history class.
Being back at school is kind of hard for me. No longer am I the thinnest one in the room. It’s really difficult to look around and see people who look like I used to when I was in the throes of my eating disorder. It’s kind of triggering, but I am sticking to my meal plan, no matter how much I have to force myself to eat something. For some reason I just don’t believe that there’s a reason for people to notice me unless I am grossly underweight. The rational side of me tells me that I wouldn’t have friends like Amanda and Colleen who reach out to make plans with me if I was boring and uninteresting, but the eating disorder tells me that there’s nothing of value about my personality and that I am always going to be ugly and disgusting.
I am glad, though, that my depression has vastly improved since starting Prozac. There’s no way I could have imagined ever wanted to spend my extra time at school, meeting new people and hanging out with friends that I’ve made. Before the medicine, I would have just either gone home to worry about how much I had eaten through the day or gone to the gym to try and work off my week’s worth of calories. Now, I am going out during the week with friends, staying hours after my classes talking to friends on campus and eagerly awaiting weekend activities. This weekend it’s Fall Frenzy. There is bingo tonight on campus that I’m going to with Amanda. On friday there is a party that Colleen invited me to go to. Saturday, the most exciting day, there’s a dance here at school. It has been SUCH long time since I’ve been to a dance; I think the last one I went to was my senior prom because stupid Loyola never had any when I went there. I was going to go to dances last semester but that never happened, thanks to Remuda coming in the way. Last night I went out for sushi with Amanda and then we went shopping to find an outfit to wear. This dance is a casual dance and I got a really slutty-looking leopard print skirt to wear. It’s a “body-con” style which basically means that it hugs whatever curves I have. I will definitely post more later about how that goes.
Well it’s time for me to sign off and wrap things up. I have a class that’s starting in a few minutes and I need to head over there now. I will post a follow up to my last post with some of my favorite recipes 🙂