Body Tracing

Today has been a pretty interesting day. As usual, I only had one class today- French. All we were doing was a test on the chapter we just covered. It was super easy; just 5 pages of fill-in-the-blanks and multiple choice questions. It didn’t even take me a half hour, so I got out of class pretty early. After that, I went over to the post office to mail a purse that I had just sold on eBay. I then went to Staples to get some more school supplies. I am so disorganized that I lost my school planner after not even two weeks of classes and had to get a new one. Oh well, my new one is much cuter. When I was trying to pay, my credit card didn’t have a high enough balance on it to cover the purchase, though. It was really embarrassing. I had to give the cashier all the cash I had on me and then hope that what was left over to pay would go through on my card. Luckily it did, so I didn’t have to put anything back to lower the cost.

After running my errands, I was getting pretty bored at home. I mean, there’s only so much homework you can do at one time. Plus, I had already read all the chapters in my textbooks that I needed to, so it’s not like I had that to keep me “entertained.” I almost jumped out of my skin when my phone’s alarm went off; it wasn’t a noise that I was used to hearing from it. It was going off to remind me of my therapist appointment I had today at 2:00. I was so glad that I had set that reminder because I had totally forgotten about it.

So I grabbed my fresh copy of Glamour magazine and headed out the door to meet my therapist. Today we were going to do a body tracing. I was getting really nervous about this because I thought for sure that I would be way bigger than I thought I was. And I already think I’m really big to begin with. The spots that I was most worried about were my thighs and my arms. My thighs have begun to touch again, which is something that I haven’t experienced in over a year. My therapist told me that the eating disorder has been lying to me for so long, telling me that having thighs that don’t touch is what is normal. That notion in my mind has made it really hard for me to come to terms with my new body and accept myself the way I was meant to be. My arms are another problem area. I have seen the most change in my body in them and my thighs. This morning as I was raising my arms to style my hair, I was disgusted with how saggy and fat my arms looked. I continued to torture myself by shaking my arms to watch my fat jiggle. I don’t know why I do these things to me, to make the self-hatred grow more and more. But, I eventually put a stop to these thoughts, put my arms down and went on with getting ready for the day. My therapist told me that everyone’s triceps are flabby and soft, that no amount of exercise can ever tone them up to be rock hard. She said that basically their only function is to make sure that our arms stay connected to our arm sockets. That was sort of clarifying to know that I’m not just being a lazy person and keeping my body untoned.

After my therapist traced my body, I stepped away from the wall and braced myself for what I was about to see. I had no idea what to expect, but I had a feeling it was going to be bad. Taking a deep breath, I turned around to see the reality of my new body. I was shocked. It was nothing like I was expecting it to be-not even close. I still am skinny! My thighs aren’t the size of an elephant’s. I don’t have man shoulders. Saying a was relieved is a huge understatement. Now I have tangible proof to argue against the eating disorder in my mind when it tries to tell me that my arms are all flab and that my thighs are grotesque. It was kind of entertaining, too. Tracing around my head and hands proved to be a little difficult; my head looks like a deflated balloon and my hands look like I have baseball mitts on them. Other than those two things, I was very happy with how things turned out.

When I got home, I was shocked to see that my mom was already home. She normally gets home around 7:30 or 8:00 and it wasn’t even 3:30 yet. She sure wasn’t lying when she said that she wouldn’t be staying too late at work tonight. I was excited to see that I received a letter in the mail from Skinny Cow. A couple weeks ago, I was eating one of their ice creams and once I finished, I saw that it had expired over a month ago when I had just bought it not even a week earlier. I went online and filed a complaint with the company. Today in the letter they sent, they added in a coupon for one of their treats. I was very happy to see this, it’s always a good thing when a company makes sure to keep up good customer relations.

Tonight I am once again in charge of dinner. I am planning on making some black bean burgers and corn on the cob if my parents are okay with that. I made black bean burgers once before and they were really good. This time I’m trying out a new recipe, so I hope that they taste just as good or, hopefully, better. If they’re any good, I will make sure to add it to my recipe page. That’s all for now, check back later for more 🙂

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