A Clear Mind

Today has been a really good and productive day. I woke up early, like I normally do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. A man came to our house this morning to work on our chimney again, but this time I wasn’t scared half to death because I knew he was going to be here when I woke up. I was pleasantly surprised this morning; I brushed my hair and saw that it was perfectly strait despite sleeping on it just-washed last night, so I got to give it a break from the straightener for the day. This gave me some time to work on my eyebrows, which I have been neglecting for some time.

I got to French this morning and the beautiful Tancrede was teaching us like I expected. He gave us a partner activity to do and he said that he would choose a couple pairs to come up and present their partner to the class, telling about their personality, appearance and classes that they are taking. I was pleasantly surprised when he called on my partner and I to go first. Of corse I raced up to the front of the class so I could stand in my rightful place- right next to him :). Later, we were talking about whether certain courses are interesting or boring and we got into a cute lover’s quarrel over whether or not history is important. It was so adorable and was the perfect way to start my day.

After French was News Writing. As we always do on Thursdays, we had a news quiz covering current events. I always do so terrible on them, it’s really embarrassing. I was glad to hear, though, that for all the upcoming quizzes, the teacher is going to have everyone in the class send her a question about a current event that she will compile into our quizzes. This will guarantee that I will get at least one correct.

Psychology of Women was today. That means that it was the dreaded exam day. I was so so so stressed out about this stupid test. After spending countless hours on my terrible 16-page study guide, I still did not feel prepared. Also, before class I saw that our teacher posted a video on Blackboard that we were supposed to watch and that would be on the test. Well, I didn’t see that announcement until it was too late, so I just had to BS my way through the question about that. But, I was pleasantly surprised. The test went by a lot better than I was expecting. To start off, there were no essays! Woo hoo!. It was mainly multiple choice and about eight short answers that could be answered in bullet format if we wanted to. For the multiple choice, I knew all but two of them. For the essays, I didn’t know how to answer a full one and half of another. Overall, I feel like I did really well on it and I can’t wait to see what I got.

These coming few days are going to be pretty crazy. Tomorrow I have a test in French, a hair appointment at 2:00, a run-through for the fashion show at 5:00 and I may be going to the county fair with some friends that night. Saturday I have to be at the hair salon at 2:00 to get my hair and makeup done for the fashion show that starts at 6:30. After the show I am going to go out to dinner with my parents somewhere, but I have yet to decide where I want to go. I think I want to go to Isabella’s, a Spanish tapas restaurant downtown. Sunday will be my day of relaxation and hopefully I will remember to sign up for yoga. Monday I have a test coming up in history. I am thinking that it will be pretty easy since the teacher sent us a pretty comprehensive study guide and I have heard from everyone that her tests are notoriously easy. Come to think of it, I should probably get to studying for that :p

Today after class I had a meeting with my dietitian. It was really great to get to see her, it’s been two weeks since our last meeting and since I missed my therapy appointment this week, I really needed to talk to someone about this past weekend. It was so great to just be able to vent my frustrations and emotions and get some positive feedback. She was so proud to hear that after what happened that I did not act on my urges to start restricting again. I told her that every time I have an urge to go back to my eating disorder, I just have to remind myself about how far I have come, how restricting won’t help me at all and how incredibly unhappy I was when I was submissive to the eating disorder. It’s so great to be constantly reminded by the people who are closest to me of how proud they are of my accomplishments on a daily basis. Every day I am so unbelievably thankful for the wonderful people who have come into my life because of some pretty terrible circumstances, and if I had the option to go back and skip over having this eating disorder, I would not do it. Recovering from this has made me stronger than I would have ever imagined I could be and has allowed me to grow in so many ways. Later today, my therapist, Beth, called and we rescheduled my appointment that I missed. I am going to see her on Tuesday and I cannot wait to let her know all about my weekend and Holly’s visit and see what she has to say. As good as it was talking to my dietitian, she’s not an actual therapist, so it will be great to get to talk to Beth.

After my dietitian appointment, I had a fitting for my fashion show. I went to go meet the woman arranging it at the hair salon and we went to the stores where they had pulled outfits for me. First, we went to White House Black Market. I tried on a leopard-print silk button-down top and a black mini skirt. The skirt was sooooo cute and I will probably go back and buy it. It really felt nice because they had pulled a size XS for the skirt but when they saw me, the woman working there said that I would probably need an XXS, which fit like a glove. They decided that for the show I will wear the black skirt, the same top in red, a leather jacket, black tights and ankle booties. After White House Black Market, we went down to Ann Taylor Loft to try on my second and final outfit. I was getting a little worried because the woman who is organizing it said that the previous day when she went to fit other models, some of the outfits they had pulled were hideous and she had to just find her own outfits. Once again, when I got there, the people working said they would have to go back and pull the clothes in a smaller size. That was very relieving because I see myself as a huge person. This outfit was easily something that I would never wear. It was a grey printed pencil skirt that was just a terrible length on me. It was made to hit below the knees, which it did, but since I’m only 5’3”, it made me look so much shorter and stumpier than I am. There was a blush colored tie-neck blouse and a really weird chunky knit sweater with faux fur around the neck. It was just so odd and did not go with the rest of the outfit. Oh well, I am just happy that I was asked to be in this show and even though I’m going to be parading around in an ugly-ass outfit, I will rock it and make it seem like it’s a Versace gown. I will make sure to post pictures of the fashion show once it’s over. After the fitting, the woman organizing it took me back to the salon to meet the man who is going to color and cut my hair tomorrow. He said that since my hair is so fine and already has color on it that he is just going to do some highlights so that it doesn’t fry my hair. He might give me bangs again, too. I will also make sure to post a picture tomorrow of how it all turns out.

Tomorrow I am pretty excited. I am going to meet with the director of student life at school before French. He’s going to tell me whether or not there will be a dorm that I can move into for the rest of the semester. I really, really hope there will be. I never thought that I would say this, but I am absolutely dying to live on campus. Being a commuter just makes me feel like I am missing out on all the fun that goes on after classes and the weekends. It’s certainly a lot harder to go to parties since most of them happen pretty last minute and quite late into the night. Well I will just keep my fingers crossed for tomorrow and hope for the best! Thanks for reading and check back tomorrow for another update 🙂


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