Thank God it’s Thursday. Only one more day until I will be in New York. Last night I was getting really worried. Around 7:30 I got another terrible headache. I just laid in bed and tried to do homework. Once Modern Family came on, that couldn’t even distract me from the pain that I was feeling. It was pretty hilarious, though. I don’t know how I managed to stay up until 10:00; I was ready for bed at 8:00. By the time I was ready to go to sleep, I started feeling even worse. I was achy all over and I felt like I was going to vomit. I don’t know how long I just stayed up tossing and turning, but I don’t think that it was that long. I repeatedly woke up in the middle of the night. Sometime, I think it was around midnight, I ran into the girl from the next room over in the hallway and she gave me some Alive. That didn’t work. I don’t know why I expected it to because I took some yesterday morning and it didn’t work then, either. I was planning on not going to class toady and just staying in bed being miserable. I was really worried that I wouldn’t be able to go to New York for the weekend, but I was relieved when I woke up and miraculously felt better.
But, things changed when I got to French, my first class of the day. My freaking headache came back again. It was made even worse because no one sitting around me had any pain killers. Thankfully class seemed to go by pretty quickly. However, News Writing was a different story. Class just dragged on and on and I spent the whole period on Twitter, Facebook and shopping online. I ended up getting into a Twitter fight with someone, actually. It was pretty funny. Some disgusting person posted on the trending topic “why being single is best” that he “likes [his] women like math, otherwise [I] cheat.” I retweeted this with the comment “disgusting” and he ended up getting all up on my case. What a loser. You can’t post something like that and not expect to get negative feedback on it. And why do you even care what I think about you, anyway? Just leave it alone, idiot.
Right now I am in Psychology of Women. My teacher just gave us back our exams from last week and I got a 91 on it. I was getting so worried that I wasn’t going to do well, but I ended up being wrong yet again. I am so pleased. I really spent so much time studying and it feels good for all that hard work to pay off in the end.
After class I have therapy again. I am going to my therapist the letter that she wanted me to write and see what she has to say about it. I sent it to Amanda to read and she thought that it sounded pretty good, but she wants me to be really sure that I actually want to send it because it will probably get really awkward between us after I do. I am eager to hear what she thinks about it. I will probably end up sending the letter this weekend sometime. I have slept on it and I still feel like it would be a good thing to do. I want this person to be aware of what I feel and what I think about them.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I am going to New York City this weekend. I am leaving by train on Friday right after my French class gets out at 11:20. I still need to go home and pack all my stuff today. I find it funny that although I have moved onto campus I have been home every day since then. I am going to visit LIM college on Saturday for a tour and information session. I am having second thoughts about transferring there. I am liking Hood a lot and my friends don’t want me to leave so soon, let alone at all. I can’t wait to get to go shopping again, also. Topshop is making a regular occurrence in my dreams at night. Every day I check their website for what’s new and things are not looking good for my bank account. One of the good things about being in recovery is that I get to go shopping for new clothes to replace the ones that are too small for me 🙂 Soho also is calling my name. I can’t wait to walk the sidewalks of that neighborhood, passing by the cute brick-faced buildings and taking in all the diversity that the city has to offer. I made dinner reservations for both nights that we are going there. One night we are going to a mediterranean restaurant called Fig and Olive. The other night, we are going to an Italian restaurant called Marcony. When my mom told me that she wanted to go for Italian, my first thought was extreme anxiety. I am still really nervous around most Italian foods. The first thoughts that come into my mind are ones of fattening carbs and heavy white sauces. It shouldn’t be a problem avoiding the white sauces since I don’t even like them at all. I am probably going to end up just ordering a simple pasta with marinara sauce. I am hoping, though, that they will have some sort of chicken dish. I still get uncomfortable about not having vegetables with my meals. I know that tomatoes in marinara sauce are definitely vegetables, but I just don’t think of them as vegetables because of all the oil and extras thrown in with the sauce. I hope that I can try to restrain myself on the bread basket, too. I usually seem to overdo it on eating the bread because I am pretty hungry by the time that we go out to dinner. Then, when my meal comes, I eat it too quickly and don’t give myself enough time to see if I get full before I clear my plate.
I will just try to talk about all these emotions in therapy today and try to not think about it too much and just enjoy my time in New York instead of having a panic attack about stupid pasta.
Yesterday I went home to make my parents dinner. My mom has been sick for the past couple days, so I went home to make my famous chicken noodle soup with dill. I am just upset that I forgot to take some back to my dorm with me. I did try a little bit and it was good, as usual. When I got back to campus, my friends were either away at a sports game or had already eaten so I had to go to dinner at the dining hall by myself. That was pretty embarrassing. As usual, the options were not too great. I ended up having Thai beef and steamed broccoli. When I sat down to eat it, I noticed that, contrary to the advertising, there was no beef in the dish. I followed this up with some sliced pears. I hadn’t had pears since I first tried them at Remuda, so I was pretty excited to see them as an option. I was counting on having some applesauce with cinnamon sugar like I did two nights ago, but I guess they change things out at the salad bars. Wow. I can’t believe how boring this paragraph is. I mean, honestly. Who wants to read about my stupid dining hall? I promise I will not post about these trivial things again. I am boring myself just writing it.
Well I guess I will wrap things up, I should probably get back to paying attention in class because I think that my teacher can probably tell that I am doing something other than taking notes.