Today I had therapy for the first time in about three weeks and, as always, I gained some new insight and new ideas for a blog post.
My therapist asked me why she thinks that some people are so reluctant to go to therapy or get other help that they need to fight and beat an eating disorder. I believe that some people do this for multiple reasons:
- They are afraid to admit that they have a serious problem that requires medical attention
- They are afraid that someone will hold them to getting better even if they don’t want to
- Most Importantly: People are afraid of what they will be asked to talk about at therapy. They don’t want someone to challenge what they have been thinking for so long
It really troubles me when people think that they can beat their eating disorder on their own. The first step to fighting ED is to actually eat. And to eat enough to get you to a healthy weight. That is absolutely NOT possible on your own. I tried it. Plenty of other people have tried it. It does not work. Yes, there are odd exceptions, but don’t pay attention to them. The reason you have developed an eating disorder is because you can’t eat in the healthy way that everyone’s body requires.
Anyone who is suffering from an eating disorder or think they may be developing one, I strongly, strongly urge them to seek professional medical attention. Through the help of a doctor, therapist, dietitian, and psychiatrist, people suffering like I did can get the help that they need.
I know that there is a lot of shame associated with admitting to needing help, but what’s more shameful: asking for help or making your friends and family watch you slowly kill yourself, knowing they can do nothing to help you? Easy answer, right? Well, trust me, I know that it seems like a simple answer but ED makes it seem like neither option is good. With option 1, you will die of anxiety from being torn from ED, your best and only friend. With option 2, you will be happy practicing your eating disorder and living in seclusion, but you will also die. Here’s another way to think about it. Would you rather die fighting for your life (with the HIGH possibility that you will, in fact, not die) or die putting your loved ones in pain?
I am getting really tired, so maybe I will elaborate on this more tomorrow, but there’s one final thought that I wanted to get down before I fall asleep.
I was telling my therapist about the little bitch who was talking about me at the party on Saturday. I finally realized that the whole time I was practicing my eating disorder I thought I was so invisible. That I was just floating by everyone like air, unnoticed and unappreciated. Turns out it was in fact the opposite. Everyone knew what I was going through except me. If someone had told me back then “Erin, everyone knows you have an eating disorder,” I would have never believed them for a second. I was so good at hiding what I did! I mean, I didn’t eat around people, but I made up great excuses (or so I thought).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that people can tell when you are anorexic. It is harder to tell for bulimics, but still possible. Don’t think that you are skating through life, going through the motions and being invisible. People notice. People care. People are concerned. People want to help you and for you to get help. People don’t know what to do or say. If you feel that you have an eating disorder, SPEAK UP. It is much easier to stop it in its tracks before it becomes firmly and deeply rooted in your mind and body.
Like I said before, listen to me. I may not be a professional on eating disorders, butI I’ve talked to countless professionals and they all agree with what I am saying.