Is This Possible?

I have been doing a lot of thinking today about my future. Probably mostly because I have had nothing else to do today, but that’s beside the point. For so long I had been absolutely certain that I would be living the rest of my life in New York City. Since the first time I visited the city, I was enraptured by the glamour and allure it has. I had my whole life planned out ahead of me. I would work for a fashion magazine, become extremely successful and rich. I would live in a sprawling apartment, preferably located on the East side of Central Park.

Now, however, I am having serious second thoughts. And I just have no idea how to react to them. There are many reasons why my dream is unrealistic:

  • Living in New York is extremely expensive. Even if I did make a considerable amount of money there, I would spend my salary on my apartment (because everyone who knows me knows I wouldn’t be satisfied with a minuscule studio), food, transportation, entertainment, and, of course, clothes.
  • How many people dream of working in the fashion industry? And how many make it? Those two questions are the main foundation of my reevaluation of my dreams. It’s highly unlikely that I would amount to anything in the fashion industry, and if I did, it would be a miracle. To truly make it, I feel like I would needed to have already moved to New York to start making connections. Outside of New York, there’s not many places that afford the opportunity to work in that industry.
  • I am starting to enjoy living in an area that has open spaces. Don’t get me wrong, I would not enjoy living in the country, but I truly don’t mind living in a small-ish town that is about an hour from major cities. There’s something to be said for being able to go out and see people that are familiar. That happening in New York is highly unlikely.
  • I’ve only been a few places in New York. Despite the many times that I have been to New York, I have stayed mainly in the Midtown East and Soho areas. I hate Chinatown and I just learned how to use the Subway system on my last trip there. Even though I feel comfortable in most places, I’m worried that I would be scared on my own living there. In order to be sure that I would want to spend the rest of my life- or at least a large portion of it- there, I would want to stay there for an extended amount of time to explore the city, more than just two nights that entail shopping.
  • I have an addiction to shopping. I know that if I lived there it would be like living in a minefield. Chances are, I would end up shopping almost every day. Probably spending my paycheck within hours of getting it. I try to be responsible, but being in New York would be like an alcoholic living next door to a liquor store.

I’m not quite sure what this whole revelation is leading me to, but I am getting nervous about the uncertainty of my future. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and that scares me. Thankfully, though, I have at least two and a half years to figure things out. I think that being at a college with a liberal arts program may help, too. I will get to explore other fields that I may like and not even know interest me. I’m going to wrap things up now. I just needed to get things off my mind. If any of you who are reading this have gone through the same situation, how did you get through it?

Advertisements

Talk to me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s