Quick Update

This is going to be a quick update on how things have been going lately.

On Wednesday I had a meeting with my therapist. I expressed to her how I have been having great dissatisfaction with my body for a while now. She told me that it is completely normal for my weight to swing above my goal and to be at the higher end of my weight range. She reassured me that things will level out. She wants me to stick with my meal plan to a T, even if it feels like I may be restricting. It will be tough to do this because I have been so used to just eating whatever I feel like and however much I feel like. But I know that I can do this. I mean I went through so much time hardly eating anything for God’s sake! I can make it through a stupid meal plan. I have to keep my mind on the goal of getting back down to my target weight. I am tired of fearing getting dressed every day, wondering if my clothes will fit and how they will look. I don’t want to have that be a huge stressor in my day.

I think I mentioned how my dermatologist wants me to go on Accutane. When I told my mom about it, she was really hesitant to make a decision and wanted me to talk to my psychiatrist first. Well I did that, and I talked to my therapist and they were both totally fine with me going on it. So, today I took the first step toward getting on the medicine. It’s quite a long process with a lot of hoops to jump through to get on the medicine. I went to get my lab work done today. They’re going to run tests on my blood (I think it’s a pregnancy test) and then I have to wait a month and then go to the dermatologist office to take a pregnancy test within 5 days of my period. After that, I can get my prescription for my first round of pills. There is a restriction on just calling in a refill for each of the three other months that I have to be on it, so I have to go in to the dermatologist, take another pregnancy test, and then get a new prescription written every month. Even though this seems irritating and time consuming, I know it will be worth it. My acne is so embarrassing and I just want to be done with it. I have been on four types of pills and countless creams to try to end it for years and none of them have fully worked. From what I hear, Accutane is a  miracle drug.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I can’t believe it! I am really excited for the holiday and the following couple weeks. Every Christmas Eve, my parents and I open one present at night before we go to bed. I have the perfect gift picked out for my mom :). Usually I help with gift wrapping for the Kiwanis Club at the mall at Christmastime, but I have had to cancel out of all my shifts this year due to my foot injury. I am really bummed out about that because it’s hard for me to find ways to fill the rest of my time and I feel like I just end up sitting around. The past couple days I have gone out, usually to the mall, to try and pick up some last-minute gifts, but I am definitely not going out tomorrow. It’s too hectic and irritating to deal with the traffic, parking and clueless shoppers who get in my way wherever I go. There a couple things I can work on tomorrow, so I will try to remember them.

I definitely need to get back to working on my book. I haven’t written for a couple weeks (with the exception of a few hundred words last night) and I do not like my lagging. I need to start setting more concrete goal for myself. Not so that I feel pressured to get things done, but so that this book doesn’t turn into another project that never gets finished. It may be daunting to think of writing a whole book, but it needs to be done. I want to be able to share my story with people and to help others realize that they’re not alone.

The weeks following Christmas are going to be great. Monday, the day after Christmas, I am getting together with Amanda and Colleen and we are going to exchange gifts. Amanda suggested seeing a movie and/or getting sushi, so we will see what we end up doing. On Wednesday the 28th, I am going to Holly’s to stay the night! I am so excited. It has been such a long time since I’ve seen her and I miss her a lot. Michelle may be coming, too, and I hope so badly that she does. I have not seen her since May. That’s just unacceptable!!!! It will be so great to get back together with them and catch up and have girl time. For New Year’s, Colleen said she is going to have a party at her house and I am pumped. It’s been so long since I’ve partied and I can’t wait to let loose with my friends again. I am not sure who will be going, but I know that I will have a good time regardless. In the remainder of my break, I am going to try and visit a couple friends from school. I miss them all so much and I can’t wait to get back to Hood with my friends and have actual structure in my day again.

My final grades for this past semester have finally all been posted. I have 3 As, 1 A- and 1 B. The perfectionist inside me says that the A- and B are not good enough. They have blown my chances of having straight As on my college transcript. I am upset about that, but I just try to tell myself that no one can be perfect. After all, my B is in History, and that is my worst subject. I guess I deserved that grade, anyway, because I spent more time in class doing crossword puzzles than I did actually paying attention to the teacher. I put in a lot of effort at the beginning of the semester, but just sort of blew it off at the end. I know that’s not the best way to approach a class but it was so boring and I just wanted to be done with it and now I am and I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Today I didn’t accomplish much until later. I hung out with Katie for a little bit. I was glad that I could see her at least once for the short while that she is home (22-26). When I got home, I finished making the Creme De Menthe brownies that my mom started this morning. My parents were at a Christmas party until about 10:00. I looked at our tree and the only things on it were lights, a star and an Obama ornament. That was unacceptable, so I got out the ornaments and put them on the tree. I didn’t stop there, though. I got the rest of the Christmas decorations and got our house all festive and what not for when my parents got home.

Well that’s all I feel like writing for now. I am going to try and write 5,000 more words for my book tonight and continue reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo before I head to bed. If I don’t update before Sunday, I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or any other holiday that I have missed out 🙂


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