Dear Javier,

So Javier went to Veracruz today. It’s going to be really difficult to get in touch with him because his  cell phone doesn’t work down there and I don’t think he’ll get much of an internet connection. So I am hoping that if he happens to go to an internet cafe and check my blog he can read what I want to tell him.

Here’s my little personal letter to you, Javier.

Today it didn’t sit in until around dinner time that you are really gone for a week, with essentially no contact. I went back to your house and slept, wearing your tie-dye sweater and snuggled up with Bonnie, waiting with my phone nearby for your call when you landed in Houston. When you called my heart almost jumped out of my chest. I felt my eyes filling with tears when you had to hang up. I had no idea when I would get to talk to you next, and I still don’t…
Around 1 p.m. your mom called me and let me know that you had arrived safely at your family’s house which was a huge, HUGE weight off my shoulders. 

Before you left, you told me that you would be able to call me quickly to let me know I could call you with my calling card (which I got; I have 80 minutes) so I waited for you to call me, and when time continued to pass I just thought you were getting settled and reunited with your family. Once I was having dinner, it was too late for me to call. Now I feel really bad that I didn’t call; I wanted to give you time with your family. I just hope that you don’t take it the wrong way. Tomorrow I go to the gym at 9 and I go to  my therapist at 11. I plan on giving you a call the minute I get home. 

After I got back to Frederick, I took Bonnie to the dog store, Two Paws Up downtown. When we were parking, she saw two dogs heading in the get groomed and basically opened the car door herself to get in as fast as possible. The people who work there just loooooooved Bonnie; they gave her treat after treat after treat. One girl around our age wanted to try to sell me their favorite type of leash (‘It’s hemp, you’ll totally feel the difference!”). It was nice and soft and a little longer than the usual ones, but it was $30! I said to them, “Do you see all the bite marks on this leash? There’s no way that I’m buying this one only for her to chew it up.” I ended up buying her a chew stick that she totally demolished in an hour and a half and a chew toy. It’s a cute little blonde mermaid that she loves. It’s supposed to be a durable one and so far it’s holding up pretty well. 

After dinner my mom and I took her for a walk and it was really nice. She got all tuckered out afterwards, which was perfect for bedtime! I told my mom about those two candles that we bought hahaha. I have to smile whenever I think about it and how awkward it would be if you had brought those. 

Ugh I just miss you so much. I wish you were here with me. Here so I could sleep next to you, rest my head on your chest and hear your heartbeat all night long. 

On the way home, Clarity came on my iPhone and I started crying at the part where he says, “you take away the pain and I thank you for that, if I ever get the chance you bet I’m paying you back.”
That line is a major part of my love for you. You’ve helped me in more ways than I can count. I can’t thank you enough. I can’t tell you how lucky I am. 

I hope you’re having a great time with your family. It’s such a shame that I can’t be there with you. There were just too many factors against me: my parents thinking it’s way too dangerous, the lack of funds, the timing conflicts with school, and the big one: language barrier. Ugh. Next year. Next year I will be there with you. 

Well I will sum this one up because if you have actually gotten the chance to read this, which I assume is highly unlikely, you probably won’t have much time to read it. 

Just know I love you. I love you more than anything in the world, more than anyone in the world. You are in my heart, mind, soul (and on my forearm) forever. I am counting down the hours until I am able to see you again. 


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