Willingness is an easy thing to understand. In order to be open to things, you have to be willing to accept what is happening, willing to take risks and willing to try new things. Some people are not willing to do things because they think they are protecting themselves, when really it is a counterproductive action.
-Doing just what is needed in each situation
-Focusing on what is needed in the moment, one step at a time, moment by moment
-using wisdom to help you to do this in a focused way
-Sitting on your hands when action is needed
-Doing opposite of what would have been effective
-Refusing to tolerate the moment
All through my recovery, I wanted so badly to be willing to do what it took to recover. That was easier said than done, though. While my heart and mind was telling me “eat, eat, eat!!” the ED in my mind was telling me not to; to continue living the way I had. I did have the willingness to call a treatment center and get myself in at Remuda. While I was there, I willingly called doctors back at home so I could have a treatment team set up for me after my discharge.
The only other things I think I could have improved upon in my treatment was speaking more with my therapist, and speaking up to someone in an authoritative position that I disliked my therapist from Day 1. Instead of doing either of those, I coasted by during therapy sessions, telling her that I did not complete my homework so that I could be dismissed early to get back to my crossword or jigsaw puzzle.
Coming home from treatment, I was not willing to keep up with my meal plan whatsoever, I willfully disregarded it and began losing weight again. I saw that I was sliding back downhill, and aware of the health implications that an eating disorder has on ones body (there’s no way I wanted my heart to give out on me), I spoke up with my treatment team and came up with a solution.
Around the board, recovery is all about willingness. In order to get better, you have to be willing to dedicate the time, hard work, and tears that will come along with it. You have to be willing to save yourself, and that is how I behaved Although I did have hard times, I wanted to live. I wanted to thrive in life.
There are things that one will encounter on a daily basis that you need to be willing to deal with. Whenever one is unsure about something, or wants something for his or herself that he or she must ask for, that is a risk being willingly taken. When I began to have feelings for my boyfriend, Javier, I was willing to take the risk to put my feelings out there.
Willingness in life means being a part of life. It means not simply going along with everything. It means taking whatever steps are necessary to moving your life forward and toward improvement.
In school, willingness for me means getting my assignments done on time, contacting my professors if I don’t understand something (as much as I HATE asking for help) and owning up when I make a mistake.
In my personal life, it means taking a job. And when I finally acquired my job, it meant signing up for dates that I am available to work, even if I would rather be going out with friends.
In recap, willingness is not letting life pass you by as you lazily chose to do nothing and refuse to acknowledge your surroundings. Don’t be averse to living, willingness has helped me regain my life and my friends and my independence.