This assignment is to get me to talk back to my eating disorder thoughts from my healthy side. It is often much easier to think of how you would talk back to eating disordered thoughts if you imagined someone else as having them, so that is something this assignment asks.
My eating disorder self: Your body is different from other peoples’. If you have any bad food, you will gain weight from it and you’ll have to work super hard to get rid of that weight.
My healthy self: Why would I gain 2 pounds from eating a brownie that weighs nowhere near that much? That doesn’t make any sense. Also, my dietitian told me that if I eat healthfully on a normal basis that when I do eat junk food, my body will know that’s not normal and will be able to handle it.
My eating disorder self: You’ve been eating a lot more than usual lately, that means that you have to get more cardio in.
My healthy self: I do not want to feel compulsions to exercise. I really enjoy running and I don’t want my stupid eating disorder to take away the joy from it that I get.
My eating disorder self: So what if you loose weight right now? It’s the holiday season which means you’ll probably put back on anything that you lose anyway. You could do for 5 fewer pounds.
My healthy self: (This one is really hard for me. It gets near impossible for me to not justify weight loss in preparation for imminent gain). Maybe I can just stop weighing myself around this time of year and see how that goes. If I keep up with physical activity on a normal basis and not overdo things with christmas cookies I should be fine.
My eating disorder self: Feel your thighs rubbing together as you walk? See your stomach bulging over when you sit?
My healthy self: You know I hate feeling and seeing those things and it’s rude to mention it. I can’t help that my stomach is not as flat as a bikini model’s or my thighs as thin as a runway model. In fact, most people I see have the same “problems” as me. Also, Javier likes me just the way I am.
Obviously, if I heard anyone saying these things I would be seriously alarmed and concerned for their well being. For me, it is strange being told to challenge these cognitions because they are so normal in my life. I do not remember the last time I was able to go a week without having a negative thought about my body or eating. I know it is not normal, but what is normal, anyway? Everyone is different and this is the way that my mind works. I do not really see these things as problems because I’m not starving myself like I used to and I am happy. Generally, I can count on having a good day; I have great friends, great parents and a wonderful boyfriend. What more could I need in life?